I am a waitress. I love my job; it is great most of the time. I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome so being able to waitress is a big deal to me since some days I can’t even walk. I am not able to carry large trays of food because is the weight and the amount of pain that will ensure. Today my manager carried out a large tray for me and I helped place the food down. As she was leaving she asked, “Is there anything else I can do for you?” The older man jokingly said,”Yeah, can we get a new waitress? One that can carry out our food.” I was so surprised that someone could say that. Smiling faking, I left the table and avoided them until I was less upset. That hurt. People need to watch what they say.
Today was one of those days where you wish it could have never happened. I have ruined everything in the past eight hours. Freedom is out the window. I have nothing left. Depression is hard. Being suicidal is hard. Having seizures are hard. Having chronic pain is hard. School is hard. Life is hard. But it is at times like these where I need to remember this is just a bad chapter. Things may not get better the way I want, but it will get better. I need to keep an open mind about the future. Yes, I could always have pain and depression and seizures but that does not mean I can’t live. Sometimes remember the effect you have on other people is my help. It doesn’t fell like people care but they do. Strength is something a person is born with and something everyone can recognize. I get to caught up in myself. I need to take a step back and realize that I may not be the happiest but by preserving through the trouble I am inspiring. I am inspiring to the world whether I see it or not. Everyone is worth living life. But the problem is, we have to high of standards. we think there are all these standards but they are just our mind playing tricks on us. belive, trust, and hope.
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